Military Motorcyclists

Military Motorcyclists

The military has a proclivity for taking things that should be fun, i.e. shooting, rappelling, swimming, camping, eating….you name it, and just sucking every little bit of fun right out of it in the interest of safety, efficiency and proficiency. It is no different for military motorcyclists. If you ride a motorcycle you are scrutinized like the fat kid in a hors d’oeurve line. Senior leaders and “Mother Rucker” (Fort Rucker is home of the Army Safety Center) conspire to make motorcycles too much of a pain in the “6″ for soldiers to ride and register on post.

Got a gun? Go by the PMO and register it and you can store it in the unit arms room or keep it in your residence…no further action required. Commanders don’t have to be notified and nobody is on your case about it. Got a bike? You can’t bring it on post until you provide a valid license, proof of insurance and MDDC card…Oh by the way, you’d better have your reflective vest…which you MUST wear OFF post in civilian clothes if you want SGLI and TRICARE to cover you if you get into an accident…ankle high leather shoes, leather gloves, DOT approved helmet, long pants and a jacket or long sleeved shirt. Private Shmuckatelli’s stripper wife can tool around on post in a beat-up rust bucket with bald tires, ineffective lap belts, no-bladed windshield wipers and a transmission leak that rivals the Exxon Valdese, but YOU, Motorcyclist, your bike has to be inspected by the Company Motorcycle Safety Officer (who likely doesn’t know didly about bikes and has probably never owned one) every quarter. You get the picture.

It’s difficult to separate my time as a soldier from my time as a rider, all of my adult life I have been both. Before life on active duty, I knew very few people who owned or rode a motorcycle or ATV and most, if queried, would only address the innate risk that is perceived with motorcycling. The only time, since I was 10, that I have not had at least one stallion in the stable, was during college and my various, cursory military courses that preceded my first duty station; call it a 5 year stretch. During that span, I had sporadic encounters with street bike pilots who, with complete sincerity, had little practical experience on something with two wheels and a motor. Knowing that I had experience and being given ample opportunity to demonstrate proficiency, the owners conscripted me as surrogate pilot for two Honda Shadow 750’s and an Interceptor 500. I appreciate that time because it allowed me to assess the pros and cons of cruiser vs. sport, should I ever choose to pursue road riding.

As fate would have it, Iraq invaded Kuwait while I was awaiting medical release from Ranger school for a heat injury, and my orders were changed sending me to El Paso, Texas instead of Korea. I had dreamed of riding in the desert since the first time I had seen “On Any Sunday” (Thanks Bruce Brown). I was in Saudi Arabia within 6 weeks of arriving in Texas and during my 8 months in SW Asia, we all would talk about what we were going to do with our accrued pay and allowances when we got back. I had gotten a brochure prior to deploying and couldn’t wait for cessation of hostilities so I could get back to “the world” and ride. My plan was to buy a red Suzuki Katana 600; my first street bike. My prior experience had convinced me that, despite the “hunched over” riding position, the café style sport bike was much easier to control than a low-slung, heavy couch that accelerated more like a moped than a motorcycle. Besides, I had no desire to be associated with those posers who’d rather look like Glenn from the Village People than “Maverick” from “Top Gun”.

I was “highly encouraged” to attend a 3 day, MSF certified riders course in 1992 on Biggs Army Airfield. The bloom was off the rose for soldiers with bikes and strict enforcement was the order of the day. Surprisingly enough, the instruction was top notch and unlike most “highly encouraged” activities, I really enjoyed it. I saw brand new Harleys get laid over and I watched other cruiser pilots struggle with the weight and lack of balance on their steeds. I was thankful for my exposure to different types of bikes, my experience in the dirt and for my excellent decision when purchasing my street mount. The whole time we executed the “Range” work, I kept thinking, “I wish I could do this on a Dual Sport”. I completed the course, learned some great techniques and strategies that have paid big dividends throughout my street riding career. I have, over the years, encouraged others, regardless of experience or military affiliation, to enroll in MSF courses.

Flash forward 20 years, I’m in the Army National Guard, and nothing has changed in the life of military motorcyclists, except the equipment we have to choose from. The pressure is still on for getting all soldiers a MDDC class. As luck would have it, I lost my MDDC card when my wallet was stolen before leaving Ft. Bliss and I lost the course certificate somewhere between Fort Hood and duty in Mississippi. Now I get to go back and take MDDC all over again, this time at my expense. Since I have been licensed for 20 plus years, I get to skip the “This is your front brake, this is your clutch” class and enroll in the intermediate class. I’m sure I will learn something new and T-CLOCS and S.E.E. will soon be reestablished in my brain pan.

My opinion of the heavy handed thrashing of the military motorcyclist has not changed. Though I understand the intent and want our soldiers to have a fighting chance, it borders on harassment at many duty stations throughout the Armed Services depending on who the leader is. I had one squadron commander who would “counsel” me almost weekly about my “demonstrated lack of judgment” for riding motorcycles…..he rode his bicycle to work….yeah, THAT’s responsible. Conversely, I had a boss who owned a ZX-6R that his wife had gotten him for his birthday. I had a ZX-9R at the time and he only wanted to know why I’d want such a big bike. I sold my ZX-9R and KX 250 while I was in Mississippi. I replaced the 9 with a street legal XR 650R and the KX with a newer CR. I soon realized how much fun a properly set-up D/S bike really was, though, electric start would have been optimal.

During IDT weekends now, the front of our building looks like a bike dealership. You name it and it’s out there. We have a few Colonels and a Sergeant Major who ride, though the SGM is the only one with any taste….he rides a BMW. The glint of chrome will almost blind you when the sun is right, and the smell of leather sometimes makes me wonder if I am back at the Dan Post Boot Outlet in El Paso. We have a Respol replica CBR, GSXRs of multiple colors and even an orange Aprilia Shiver. Jap Cruisers are also prevalent, the Yamaha V Star being the most popular, but there’s one bike that stands out in the crowd; one bike among many, that shows that the owner is a nonconformist.

I have, since, gone back with a KX-F (after my 250 EXC was stolen) and an RM for 2T fun. The XR found a fine home to make room for an electric start KTM 450 XCR-W, legalized by SICASS Racing, for street duty. It gets scoffed at, questioned, sat on, poked, pontificated on and praised…..and she’s mine. I have been denied membership in a Veterans’ Bike club because I don’t ride the “Right” kind of bike. I feel sorry for some of these soldiers who have never had the chance to “sample” any of the other styles of bikes. Some look at me like I need to be committed. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have a Street-Fighter (Speed Triple, Monster, Hyper Motard, Dorsoduro) or another sport bike (liter bike of course), but the sheer excitement rendered by my little 450 cannot be rivaled by any other class of bike. Comfort? Most of my rides are less than 25 miles. Economy? It’s still cheaper than my Diesel Pick-up. Power? A 750 pilot can get embarrassed in the twistys. Style? Who made YOU the expert on what looks sexy? Motorcycles are supposed to be FUN, light, maneuverable, economical and PEPPY!

Twenty years after my first MDDC course, command influence, again, dictates proof of training. I really don’t mind and I’m actually looking forward to it. Upgrading to the Intermediate course will be informative, and I can’t wait to attack the “Range” on my little 450; it seems wishes do come true. What? Is that a small tear in the eyes those cruiser pilots I sense? Hark! I think I hear “Y.M.C.A.” faintly droning in the background…..”Honey, do I own any leather chaps? How would you feel about a porn star ‘stache?